What Are My True Feelings? Expressing them in Paint – Calistoga

‘May Feelings’ acrylic on canvas  about 4 x 5 feet   May 2012

click on images to enlarge

A ‘Red Line’ series is falling into place. It started over a year ago with this painting.

I was awake and wanted to paint. It was 2:00 in the morning. This happened during a workshop taught by  Leigh Hyams http://www.artsreal.com/. at Mountain Home Ranch in  Calistoga, California. I put some warm clothes on, took my  flashlight and went down to the studio. Turning on the lights I brought out a large roll of pre-gessoed canvas, cut off a piece and left it on the floor. I looked and looked, sat by it and walked around it. What am I going to paint? What is in you? Who are you? What do you want to paint about? What are your true feelings inside you. What have been your true feelings? What have you been dealing with? Ah ha! with that question I knew it was easy. I had just been diagnosed with throat cancer. How did I feel about that? What was inside me ? Not what had I been looking at in the real world.  So I put some limits on my painting, no familiar shapes or colors. The colors had to all come from within. The painting had to express how I felt about having cancer in me now. What color were my cancer feelings? They sure as hell weren’t pinks, peaches and cream, these colors being my familiar palette. I mixed up a mess of colors and started to paint. I painted with  my brushes, with a palette knife, my hands. I didn’t stop until I was done. The painting needed something. I took a tube of red paint and made a red line. The painting was finished. I tacked it up on the wall and walked back up the road to my room as the morning light filled the outside space.

‘Rolled’ acrylic on canvas  4 x 5 feet      October 2012

The cancer is gone. New feelings come with new experiences.

Editing Drawings for a Show

After speading out on the floor,  400 plus drawings,  I’ve edited them down  to about 50.  Definitely, I see stages of drawing during the 80 days of radiation.  This image of an orchid sketched  in the middle of the night shows one of the most recent pieces 12″ x 16″ on paper, pastel and india ink.

This little blue flower was done on the first day of 80 Drawings in 80 Days.

9″x12″ on paper. Sennelier oil pastel and graphite.

Then there are all the drawings in between.

Undone

  1.  

    undone – definition of undone by the Free Online Dictionary 

    Adj. 1. undone – not done; “the work could be done or undone and nobody cared”. unfinished – not brought to an end or conclusion; “unfinished business”; “the 


    I keep losing weight. I have a string of pearls, bumps  down from my ear around my neck and up to the other ear – a string of pearls under the skin. I’m going in to have a biopsy performed on my neck today. It’s probably just scar tissue from the incisions from the surgery. But all the frightening emotions come back. No matter what the outcome, I guess  (I still say guess) I am a cancer survivor and will live sometimes forgetting about my cancer  but, then, the wondering will keep popping back up in my life. Right now I am absolutely  sure all the cancer is gone and it won’t come back, I think.

    I wrote this piece at the beginning of the week. I had drawn the roll of twine in the morning before the doctor called to ask me to come in and get a biopsy done.  I was sitting there thinking I sketched a roll of  twine this morning, now she is using thread and needle on my neck.

    The good news is biopsy report records no cancer. Hooray. It sort of took me back for a couple of days.